It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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