it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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