grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
