I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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