Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
