The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
