Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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