My nipple is on Facebook.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My vagina just recognized that song.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
