But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
