I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
