i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize