one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
