you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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