I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
do nipples grow back?
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