I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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