He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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