I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
