Where is the hickey?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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