if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
dude. I can hear the air.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize