that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
