had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
