Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
