it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
