Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
