Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
