Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
