One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
