why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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