the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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