I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
