your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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