Nicole vs. Life
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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