She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize