i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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