My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
