here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
