Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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