Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
