i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
