You just made me feel so damn special
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
