I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
