That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
one might say we're banned from that church
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
