Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize