mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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