Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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