Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
