hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
