Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
