So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
