Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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