glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you had me at cake vodka
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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