Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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