The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
