at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well I just put wine in my tea
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
