your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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