Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
