we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
