I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
