I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This house was built for laser tag.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got inside last night via doggy door
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
