A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
