Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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