We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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