More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
