You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
