get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize