Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
