i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
