i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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