Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
