Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
