he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
