make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
