NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
