Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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